Why I Don’t Want Kids

Kids aren't for everyone
When it comes to marriage and children I’m so far from traditional, which means I get a lot of funny looks or dismissive comments when I voice my personal choices. I’ve tackled a few of these comments in a previous post, Married with Children. Not, but the most common sentiment that I still get is, “You’ll change your mind.” No, I probably won’t and today I confess my reasons why:
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I’m not good at sticking to a schedule.

Provide a child with structure? Pfft. I can’t even provide myself with structure. I am up until all hours of the night, despite having to get up at 5:30 AM. I eat whenever my stomach tells me I’m hungry and not a moment sooner! And I nap sporadically throughout the day. Basically, I am a two year old. Good luck trying to get me on a schedule!

Kids are expensive.

I’m still struggling to pay off my youth in the form of student loans. I definitely don’t have the finances to support a mini-me! Plus, I like being able to spend my money towards traveling and making memories.

I enjoy the freedom to be spontaneous and/or lazy.

As many of you know, I have pretty much turned being lazy into an art. I love the ability to lounge around in bed all day watching Netflix or binge reading books without a care in the world. I also love having the option to just pick up and go when I want to without having to lug a car seat or diaper bag around.

I don’t have to worry about babysitters.

If I want to force Troy to wine and dine me, I don’t have to worry about arranging a babysitter first. We can just lock the fur babies in their room and hit the town! Of course, for us, hitting the town is more like snuggling and watching Netflix.

I just want to play with everyone else’s and give them back.

Honestly, I love kids! I love being an aunt and I’m about to welcome niece number 2! But I don’t want that kind of responsibility permanently. It’s totally different to help out for a little while than to be in charge 24/7.

Kids get their awesomeness from their aunt

Do you want kids? For those who have kids, did you always know kids were in your future?

  • I don’t want kids either and it’s just the worst when people smile knowingly at you and say “I thought so too when I was younger….”. Well it’s not my fault that you now have 5 kids to care for. It’s not like you didn’t have a choice and just because you ended up with kids doesn’t mean that I get kids too. I really hate that! As if I was still a little girl who doesn’t know what she wants…..

    • I think people automatically assume that wanting kids is the most natural part of life. In reality, not everyone is going to want the same things. And we are all capable of deciding what we do and do not want. 🙂

  • I want me some babies but I totally get folks who dont and you are right about all of these things no matter which way you swing!

    • Having kids is definitely hard, but I’m sure you’ll love every minute of it! 😀

  • Team no kids here! Honestly, as I’ve written about before, there is a million and one reasons I can think of as to why I do not want kids. This woman (who had a kid) said oh well having a dog is good preparation for a kid, and I was like umm no…you can’t just leave the house and go to dinner (and thousands of other differences) 🙂

  • kathy@vodka and soda

    people are too up in other people’s bidness and they really need to chill the fuck out. having kids is a personal choice and i also hate it when people say “oh, you’ll change your mind”. i am a mother and i used to get that all the time before i had kayla; now they harass me about having another so i’ve resorted to saying: how about you warp your vagina with another baby and stay up all night while it’s screaming ok? no? then STFU and mind yo bidness! or something less offensive but along those lines.

    you are 100% right – kids are hard and you can pretty much kiss your spontaneity goodbye (when they’re young) and they’re a major money suck. i hate it when mothers are all: oh, i was born to be a mother and i love every second of it blahblahblah. no you don’t you lying bitch. women like that are deluded as fuck because kids will drive you up the wall and make you want to tear your hair out at times. however, as much as kids can drive you crazy, i can’t picture my life without kayla. it’s a weird thing to have kids – they drive you crazy but you love them to death. i have no illusions about parenthood and will not pretend like it’s all unicorns and rainbows because it’s not. it’s rewarding and the love you feel is incredible and nothing like anything else in the world but damn, kids can drive you up the wall.

    hmmmm this comment had nothing to do with answering your questions, sorry about that! LOL ..

    thanks for linking up!

    • Bahaha. You should ask them if they also want to know what you like in bed, since they’re so interested in your sex life. People are just way too nosy.

      And I’m so glad to hear a mom’s point of view on this, a realistic one. Kids are definitely hard work! I mean, I love them..and I know that they can be very rewarding, but a mini-me driving me crazy doesn’t appeal to me. Haha. God knows I drove my mom crazy in high school! If I had a kid, I’m sure the payback would be trifold!

  • you’ll change your mind!! lol jk.
    i want children, just not right now. or in the next few years. they terrify me. i am not ready to be selfless (not that you have to be) and i am not ready to give this part of my life up yet.
    several of my friends have babies, are around my age and are all saying i better hurry, better start, and there is so much pressure! its so hard sometimes, because i want to do so many things (including a lot of nothing) before i have kids, and they dont want to do those things, so they dont understand.
    agh. i just wish people would mind their own business. the more people who don’t want kids the better, we have enough people on this planet lol.
    however, i will say – i have always known i wanted to be a mother. hopefully one day i can be (but it is not this day!)

    • Haha! My mom is completely convinced I’ll change my mind and adopt.

      And I completely understand where you’re coming from! There are so many things I want to do in my life and kids would make that much more difficult. Instead, I’m choosing to forgo kids all together. Hah. I think it’s great for you to wait until you’re ready and to try to experience life a bit first. 🙂 Other people really need to focus on living their own lives. I mean, if you have kids, you will be the one raising them, not them.

  • I was strongly on team no kids when I got married, but as my husband and I are getting older, we’re more open to the idea. I’m not saying you’ll change your mind, but I do subscribe to never saying never. There are definitely things about them that sound really hard, but also a lot of things that sound really great. So right now, I’m firmly planted in team undecided 🙂

    • I’m the opposite. 🙂 When I was younger I wanted kids and just assumed I’d have them, but that changed when I realized all the things that I want to experience in life. Having kids would make that a little more difficult. Kids are very rewarding and can offer so much, but I’m happy just being the aunt. Haha. 🙂

  • I have a child. Just the one. I wanted two but that didn’t work out so we have the one. I HATE when people press me on when we’re having more. So then I start talking about my secondary infertility and it makes them all uncomfortable and that makes me happy because people need to shut the hell up and mind their own business.

    I don’t get why people feel the need to comment on other people’s reproductive choices, particularly if they choose not to have kids. It’s a personal decision. Respect it.

    • Haha! Kudos to you for making them feel uncomfortable! You should ask them if they really care that much about your sex life. 🙂

      The choice to have kids is a very personal one, one that only affects the couple or person who chooses to have or not to have children. I mean, it’s not like other people are going to raise the kid, so why should it matter to them? I think people are just naturally nosy and assume that’s the next step in life.

  • I have 3 and I always knew that I wanted kids but I didnt know how much work it was especially when I was brave and had my first at 19.
    If you dont want kids you shouldnt feel pressured to have them everyone has their own opinions 🙂

    • Wow! 19 is so young. I commend you for taking on that much responsibility at such a young age. I have a couple of friends who are 19 now and just had their first baby. They are over the moon, but I’m not sure they really know how much work is ahead of them. Haha. I’m sure they’ll learn quickly. 🙂

      Thanks for being so accepting! 🙂

  • YES!! I dont want kids for all these reasons! And no I will not change my mind! I dont want them! I always feel like an outsider with other females- talking about ”baby fever” and what not. Nothing wrong with that but I can never relate. Ain’t happening! I love my freedom waaayyy to much. Plus there’s something about the growing inside me thing that makes me want to start itching all over. eek no!

    Lisa,xo

    • Haha! The thought of pregnancy and the act of giving birth definitely creeps me out! No thanks.

      I’m definitely the outsider when it comes to this topic. People are posting pictures and status updates of their children or pregnancies and I’m just like I took a 3 hour nap today. Haha! I’m glad that there are other women out there who understand.

      • LoL! Oh I totally get it! I am the exact same way! I see those statuses and im like .. well my cat .. lol!! Like you said the whole thing creeps me out! No thank you!! 😉 And thank you for your honestly, its nice to know im not the only one!

  • I found you through Fitness Blondie’s Blog Hop.

    I think the blog title drew me in.
    My name is Kat, my son Emry is 7, and I never wanted to have children… LIKE EVER.

    I loved babies, other peoples kids, but, I just didn’t feel like I had it in my to be a mother. Mine wasn’t the greatest, so I think I feared (and still do fear) that I’d mess a kid up wicked royal.

    I was 22 when I had Emry. I was in an awful marriage, and long story short… he was a surprise, and I had not a lot of time to prepare for him coming into this world.

    Like all of your reasons above, I was blown away. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want this life.

    But, now, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I had to adapt. I had to put on pants.. literally.. And over the past 7 years, I have transformed into the woman and mother that I always wanted.

    Sorry for the LONG message. But, I totally identify where you are right now. Just letting you know, if it ever does happen… you’ll be alright, and become more awesome than you can ever imagine.

    Come check me out…

    http://www.katerivonstealsnewlife.blogspot.com

    • I think that is a common fear that a lot of parents and parents-to-be have. I mean, all of a sudden you are responsible for raising a human being and helping them become a good person. It’s a lot of pressure and responsibility to take on. I think all you can do is try your best. It sounds like you’re doing a great job! Emry is lucky to have a mom who wants to be the best mother she can be.

      Thanks for sharing your experience and letting me know that it would work out okay if it happened. 🙂

  • I’m on team undecided. Somedays I’m like HELL NO WE WON’T GO! and someday’s I’m like, IT’S SO FLUFFY I’M GOING TO DIE!! I guess we’ll find out when the time comes..

    BUT, the one thing I am absolutely certain of… when people ask when I’m going to have kids and I ask them when my vagina and reproductive system became a concern to them. It’s not. Mind your business bitches. I get the most joy from saying this to elderly women.

    • Haha! Kids are so damn cute that I can totally understand the flip flop!

      That answer is so perfect! I can just imagine the look you get from all those elderly women. You should tell them that you’re having way to much fun practicing making the kids. And if you had them there would be no reason to practice anymore. Haha.

  • Agent Q

    I chuckled at “I just want to play with everyone else’s kids and give them back.” because it’s so true!…Well, among everything else you’ve listed. I honestly don’t think I want to deal with the time commitment and the added stress and burden. :/ I’m SO glad I’m not alone in this. >.<

    • Oh, yes! The time and stress is another good reason for me not to have kids. I stress enough about my fur babies. I don’t need to add a human being to that list! I’m also glad that other women can relate. 😀

  • I used to want kids, but the older I get the more and more I dont want them. For the obvious reasons you listed above and also because I am a worried. I cant imagine having another life to be responsible for. I freak out if my dogs don’t feel good. Another human? I can’t even.

    Also, look around the world today. Why in the hell would I want to bring someone in to this world? School shootings, kids bullying other kids, all the horrible crap they allow to be put in our foods….I cant live in a bubble, and until I can…I dont think kids are happening.

    • I also used to want kids, until I realized I enjoy not having a schedule and being lazy. There are also so many things I want to experience in life like traveling the world. Kids would make that more challenging. Not impossible, but definitely challenging. I also freak out when my fur babies are sick or don’t feel well. I stress enough about them. I don’t need a mini-me to stress about too!

  • I think it’s really great that you can write about this and people need to lay off. Everyone wants different things in life and you should respect that other people want different things. Your life sounds amazing and anyone that thinks you can only be fulfilled by having kids or that you’ll change your mind is probably just not enjoying their own life. XOX

    • Thanks! I do enjoy my life. 🙂 I think some people just assume that everybody ‘needs’ to experience the joy of being a parent. Actually, there are probably some people who should NOT be parents. Hah. But I agree, people need to respect that people will want to live different lives. There are so many options for us in this world and not everyone is going to choose the same thing.

  • I always wanted kids and I am glad I had them but it is the hardest thing I have ever done! I think if you don’t really, really want a family it’s much better to be honest about it!

    • Being honest about it is so much better than trying to hide or feeling pressured into a life you don’t want. 🙂 I’m happy with my family of fur babies and my ginger boyfriend. Haha.

  • Those are the exact reasons I am not ready for kids.

  • I love kids, and if things had been different I might’ve popped a couple out of my tunnel of love, but as it is, I get to have more dresses and handbags. Score!

    • Tunnel of love?! Haha. You always have such a way with words and I love it! 😀 More dresses and handbags is a total win in my book.

  • I have kids. Many kids. There are days I wonder whose idea they were and there are days I just feel so fortunate to have children. Thankfully, my days are more filled with “fortunate” than “whose idea”….kiddos aren’t for everyone…somedays they are not even for me. It’s a personal choice and if you don’t want them…that’s your choice. Sadly, people sometimes learn they don’t want them after they’ve had them (and not jokingly…like they have them and discover they don’t like them). Be yourself. That’s beautiful. Love

    • Haha! I think most parents have those days when they wonder what the hell they got themselves into. I’m sure I gave my mom many of those days. 🙂 It’s hard work to be responsible for kids 24/7, even when you’re tired, sick or really just want to sleep. I admire you for caring for many children! 🙂

      Deciding to have children is a personal choice that should be respected. It’s awful when people realize they don’t want children after they have them. I read a blog once by a woman who admitted she loves her children, but thinks she made a mistake having them. She thinks being a mom isn’t for her, but does it because she does love them. That’s just horrible.

      Thanks for the support! 😀

  • Kristen @ Your Beauty Fix

    I can totally respect your decision! I see soooo many people popping out babies left and right when they aren’t in positions in life to support and raise children. Its expensive and a lot of work!

    • It really is! And so many people can barely support themselves let alone a baby. Thanks for respecting my decision. 🙂

  • Amanda

    Damn right they’re expensive! I’d rather save that money up and buy myself a bomb ass retirement home somewhere warm! haha

    • Haha. That sounds like a good plan to me! Can I visit? Frankly, I’d rather spend the money traveling. And maybe some alcohol.

  • i feel the same way most of the time, but i think someday i may be ready for a child. maybe one, maybe two, but definitely no more than that. for now, our fur child will do. 🙂

    • Yes, I’m very happy with my fur babies. 🙂 My sister is stopping at 2 children also. I think 2 is plenty.

  • Don’t have them! Kids suck the life out of you! I am only half joking.

    • Haha. In that case, I’ll gladly keep away from life sucking children. :-p

  • I like the statistic that 9/10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt. I’m hoping that is true since I just became an aunt :). I think parents who say “you’ll change your mind” either want you to be as miserable as they are (ha!) or are repeating the old saying “never say never”. I always thought I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and then I had a kid and was like “let me go back to work!” It’s kinda wrong because why have kids just to leave them with a stranger and then go to work, right? But like your old post said, having kids is kinda a selfish thing. *I* want to have kids even though I don’t want to spend all day with them. I hope I am still influential in their lives and that they grow up to be people with character and upstanding values, even though I am not there during the day. Anywho, long comment. Just to end, I always knew I wanted at least 2 kids. Not for concrete reasons like yours for NOT wanting kids, which is weird too. Shouldn’t I have more concrete reasons? It’s weird.

    • That statistic is completely true! 🙂 And I think wanting some time away from your kids is normal and essential to your sanity. Kids are hard work and can definitely drive you crazy at times. Plus, I think it’s essential to take care of yourself and your needs in order to be a good parent. I’m sure you and your husband are the most influential people in your kids lives. 😀

  • I do have 2 kids. But I do miss my freedom. I love them to bits though but I like my freedom. I send them upstairs at 8 to have adult time. Some other parents are like !!! “But don’t you feel bad?” Um, no.

    • Haha! It’s important to get some time for yourself. And essential to your sanity! I say enjoy your adult time!

  • I personally want kids, but I get all the reasons why you don’t. I hate when people get all judgmental about other people’s life choices. Frankly, I don’t get why people get involved with what people choose to do (or not do) with their own bodies… Also, I agree, being an aunt is awesome and the thing I love most about not having my own children at the moment is the fact that when I can’t get the baby to stop crying or whatever, I can easily hand him/her back to the parents…

    • Exactly! People should respect each other’s choices. 🙂 And I love being able to hand the kids back when it gets too tough or I want to leave. Haha. But I love my niece to pieces, so I actually don’t mind dealing with her fits (most of the time).

  • I appreciate the honesty in your post! I would like to have kids one day, but I don’t know if it will work out for me. I’ll probably be an aunt before I’m a mom!

    • I hope it does work out for you! And being an aunt is amazing. I’m sure you’ll love it. 🙂