We’re back with another segment in the Love EVERY Body Workshop. This month we’re focusing on everybody’s favorite lady lump below the belt – the bum.
Shapely rear ends seem to cause quite a commotion these days. They have inspired songs, dance moves, workout routines and lots of unwanted (and sometimes wanted) attention for those in possession of one, like me. Everyone wants to drop it like it’s hot! My butt is large, round, and shapely giving me an apple bottom to complete my pear shape body. And despite my ever expanding and contracting waistline, my bottom refuses to yield to any other shape. Just look for yourselves.
Rocking an apple bottom guarantees that you will also be rocking some cellulite. I know most women cringe at the dreaded C word, but, to me, it’s just a fact of life. Cellulite has more to do with the connective tissue beneath your skin than the fat that lies there. So why worry about something you can’t change? Besides, being a big booty girl comes with so many other issues.
When you’re an apple bottom, looking for jeans becomes more like a treasure hunt than a shopping excursion. Those that make it over your lump are often way too big for your waist. And those that are a suitable size for your waist refuse to make the climb over your bum. Finding that perfect pair of jeans that magically makes it around your butt and fits perfectly on your waist is a miraculous moment celebrated in the only way I know how – a victory dance. Dresses and skirts are a whole different story. Though the front may fall to your knees, the back seems to disappear all together as it pulls around your bum. It’s almost like a mullet for clothing – business up front and way too much party in the back.
My curvy derriere can also be quite a pain in the ass (pun intended). It seems hell bent on knocking things over when I am merely trying to walk across the room. Perhaps, these are merely cries for attention. Boy, are they successful! Everyone always turns to see me bending over in an attempt to clean up my mess. Lynsey – 0; Bum – 1 million. It also refuses to allow me to lie on my back unless I want to spend the rest of the day nursing a backache. It’s quite a demanding bum.
Despite all the issues that accompany my apple bottom, I love it. It’s a soft cushion for me to lounge on during both my long work days and lazy days. It adds intriguing and appealing curves to my body, while also balancing out my thick thighs. Dancing is that much more fun with junk in the trunk. And I got it from my mama!
Do you have some junk in your trunk? How do you feel about your lady lump?